The Ant And The Grasshopper

This is a joke which has been much circulated on the internet. Check it out.

OLD VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.   Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Kofi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance). Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act   [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Insititutions & in Government Services. He makes a 70 : 30 ratio compulsory for the sake of local species of grasshoppers.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in Silicon Valley. 100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India. As a result of losing lot of hard working ants and feeding the grasshoppers India is still a developing country.....

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Laws, also called the Ten Commandments are one of the fundamental laws of nature, even more fundamental than, for example, the law of consentual intercourse. It is a very optimistic law, stating if anything can go wrong, it will. If it can't go wrong, it will go wrong anyway. It has recently been proved that Jesus is actually behind Murphy's Law, and that Murphy's Law is blamed incorrectly.

Murphy's Law was discovered and formalized by Albert Murphy Sinbad Einstein, after whom it was named. Albert came to the idea when he was bathing under a tree, and an apple landed exactly on the cold tap. This incident also led to the invention of cold water. The law was passed without any votes against, critics mention that anyone who would oppose had missed his or her plane, had an engine failure or hit both nail and finger with a hammer. Those for the law cite the same incidents.

A prime Example of Murphy's Law can be found in the everyday life of an unfortunate idiot named Manmohan Singh. This inevitably proves this law. Murphy's Law says that if anything can go wrong, it will. But, this stupid law applies to itself: itself can go wrong, that is, there must be a situation where something can go wrong and it won't go wrong. So, Murphy Law is paradoxal, and by reductio ad absurdum, I boned Britney Spears.

The Laws -

* Thou shalt steal from the only house with nothing to steal.

* Thou shalt commit adultery with the only woman on the street with gonorrhea.

* Thou shalt always get caught lying, except if Thou art a politician.

* If thou art a politician, thou shalt get caught lying about something ten times worse.

* Ye Olde pot of gold is on the other side of the rainbow.

* Someone else will always get Ye Olde last slice of pizza.

* When Thou gets married to a woman from Thailand, Thee later finds out that she was a man .

* When Thy attempts to hit a nail, Thy Shalt always hit Thy's finger.

* It is always sunny on Wednesday afternoons.

* It always rains outside.

* Toast will always fall with the buttered side down, and Thou can never tell the right side of the toast to butter.

* If Thee attach the toast to the back of a cat with the buttered side up, gravity will explode, since cats always land on their feet. So Murphy's    

   law has applications in antigravitatory cats.

* The chances of the toast landing buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

* When one searches with a search engine, one ends up on Booble, not on Google.

* When waiting in line, Thy's line will be the slowest. Otherwise, the line Thou are in will move quickest, and Thou Shalt break Thy leg trying to keep up.

* If Thou like women, chances are, Thy art a lesbian.

* The light at the end of a tunnel is normally the light of an oncoming train.

* Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll to the exact center (or anyplace out of reach) under the car.

* a coin dropped while sitting on a couch will lodge itself in the only place Thou think not to look.

* If Thou are a student and you studied 99 chapters out of hundred, then the whole exam will only come from the one chapter Thou left.

* If Thou are working on an important project, any dogs and/or cats in the house will immediately place themselves upon it.

* When Thou look for the remote, its always in the last place Thou look. Well, its always in the last place you look cause after you find it,   Thou  don't need to look for it anymore, so, yeah.

* In Video games, Player 2 always wins, as he is in fact the terminator.

* A 50% chance of becoming sterile during a vasectomy actually means 95%.

* When playing Russian Roulette, all 5 other people will get lucky.

* If half of your songs are good and you put your iPod on shuffle, you will hear Michael Jackson until your iPod battery has exactly 4 seconds left.

* Thou shalt miss the first bus, and usually have to wait half an hour for the next one to arrive.

Over the years, various scholarly personalities have researched and commented on Murphy's Laws, and some have even written books on it. The University of Ongudugu offers a PhD in Murphy's Laws. Given below are some scholarly comments.

“My mother in-law died two days after I met her. ”

    ~ Son In-Law on the proven success of Murphy's Law

“Murphy? I'd really like to meet him some day, so I can kick the living crap out of him”

    ~ Everybody else on Murphy's Law

“Murphy's Law? Is that the one with the toast?”

    ~ Oscar Wilde on Murphy's Law 

The Modern Marriage

This is an interesting and humorous look at the modern notion of marriage - courtesy my sister.

Before Marriage - - -

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

Girl: Do you want me to leave?

Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course! Over and over!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every chance I get!

Girl: Will you hit me?

Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling!

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top!!