Murphy's Law

Murphy's Laws, also called the Ten Commandments are one of the fundamental laws of nature, even more fundamental than, for example, the law of consentual intercourse. It is a very optimistic law, stating if anything can go wrong, it will. If it can't go wrong, it will go wrong anyway. It has recently been proved that Jesus is actually behind Murphy's Law, and that Murphy's Law is blamed incorrectly.

Murphy's Law was discovered and formalized by Albert Murphy Sinbad Einstein, after whom it was named. Albert came to the idea when he was bathing under a tree, and an apple landed exactly on the cold tap. This incident also led to the invention of cold water. The law was passed without any votes against, critics mention that anyone who would oppose had missed his or her plane, had an engine failure or hit both nail and finger with a hammer. Those for the law cite the same incidents.

A prime Example of Murphy's Law can be found in the everyday life of an unfortunate idiot named Manmohan Singh. This inevitably proves this law. Murphy's Law says that if anything can go wrong, it will. But, this stupid law applies to itself: itself can go wrong, that is, there must be a situation where something can go wrong and it won't go wrong. So, Murphy Law is paradoxal, and by reductio ad absurdum, I boned Britney Spears.

The Laws -

* Thou shalt steal from the only house with nothing to steal.

* Thou shalt commit adultery with the only woman on the street with gonorrhea.

* Thou shalt always get caught lying, except if Thou art a politician.

* If thou art a politician, thou shalt get caught lying about something ten times worse.

* Ye Olde pot of gold is on the other side of the rainbow.

* Someone else will always get Ye Olde last slice of pizza.

* When Thou gets married to a woman from Thailand, Thee later finds out that she was a man .

* When Thy attempts to hit a nail, Thy Shalt always hit Thy's finger.

* It is always sunny on Wednesday afternoons.

* It always rains outside.

* Toast will always fall with the buttered side down, and Thou can never tell the right side of the toast to butter.

* If Thee attach the toast to the back of a cat with the buttered side up, gravity will explode, since cats always land on their feet. So Murphy's    

   law has applications in antigravitatory cats.

* The chances of the toast landing buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

* When one searches with a search engine, one ends up on Booble, not on Google.

* When waiting in line, Thy's line will be the slowest. Otherwise, the line Thou are in will move quickest, and Thou Shalt break Thy leg trying to keep up.

* If Thou like women, chances are, Thy art a lesbian.

* The light at the end of a tunnel is normally the light of an oncoming train.

* Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll to the exact center (or anyplace out of reach) under the car.

* a coin dropped while sitting on a couch will lodge itself in the only place Thou think not to look.

* If Thou are a student and you studied 99 chapters out of hundred, then the whole exam will only come from the one chapter Thou left.

* If Thou are working on an important project, any dogs and/or cats in the house will immediately place themselves upon it.

* When Thou look for the remote, its always in the last place Thou look. Well, its always in the last place you look cause after you find it,   Thou  don't need to look for it anymore, so, yeah.

* In Video games, Player 2 always wins, as he is in fact the terminator.

* A 50% chance of becoming sterile during a vasectomy actually means 95%.

* When playing Russian Roulette, all 5 other people will get lucky.

* If half of your songs are good and you put your iPod on shuffle, you will hear Michael Jackson until your iPod battery has exactly 4 seconds left.

* Thou shalt miss the first bus, and usually have to wait half an hour for the next one to arrive.

Over the years, various scholarly personalities have researched and commented on Murphy's Laws, and some have even written books on it. The University of Ongudugu offers a PhD in Murphy's Laws. Given below are some scholarly comments.

“My mother in-law died two days after I met her. ”

    ~ Son In-Law on the proven success of Murphy's Law

“Murphy? I'd really like to meet him some day, so I can kick the living crap out of him”

    ~ Everybody else on Murphy's Law

“Murphy's Law? Is that the one with the toast?”

    ~ Oscar Wilde on Murphy's Law